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Thursday, February 10, 2011

another BFN

Hi ,

I dont even know if I want to post this post .
I know this blog is my outlet of all " forbidden " feelings  like anger ,sadness ,depression ...
its all the feelings that I dont want to burden my near and dear ones with .
I WANT to cope well , I WANT to be balanced and do the right things but sometimes I just have enough of everything and thats when I write here ....

I hate that I feel guilty for having those feelings and often I  try to hide them and " move on"  and " be normal "   but then eventually I explode  like today when I got the second BFN this week

Im just so fed up !!! I hate this horrible pattern :   AF   - TTC on demand - nerve wrecking 2 WW and then the big dissapointment !!!!
Oh how I hate it !

I had so much hope for this cycle ....

I think Im giving up the idea  of conceiving naturally now and move on to IUI  but it doesnt come easy ....
I have always wanted to conceive a child in a romantic way .
I know so many people before me have done  ART  and its great that I have the opportunity to do  IUI / IVF  but yet its so hard for me to give up my dream.

In my mind I have decided that its time to move on and I will have to navigate a different path now .
Tonight Im having a glass of wine feeling sorry for myself , I hope tomorrow will be a better day .