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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

A new chapter in our lives

Hi ,

I have been absent from blogging for a while .
I guess I was just overwhelmed with what was happening and needed to rest  and proces it all.
Being pregnant and working plus commuting to work takes a lot of energy from me so  I have been too tired to blog to.
I have been thinking about if I should start a new blog  and start from scratch as this blog has been a place for grieving , a place to let out  my sadness , anger and frustration connected with our losses .
However I  have decided to continue here as  that was and in many ways is still a part of my life .
Even if I am pregnant now , I still remember what we went through before  and its a part of me .
I will always remember our two little angels and how it felt to loose them .

I am now almost 24 weeks pregnant ( on sunday )  and sometimes it still seems like a dream ...
Its hard to believe that this is my belly growing and there is a little baby kicking  and yesterday  my husband was able to feel the kick by holding his hand on my belly  : )
I have been afraid to bond to much with the baby before as I was so afraid something would happen again .
Since I started to feel the babys  movements at week 18  I have slowly bonded with it and I feel so much love when I feel a little kick in my belly .
I start to think that maybe this baby is meant to live as it is a miracle that it is alive  given the circumstance of the early ultrasound we did .
Every little kick fills me with love for this little person that I carry  but it also fills me with a little sadness as I feel guilty for not being able to bond with the baby immediately .
I think I am over this now and I love every little kick  that is so special and says to me " hello mummy I am alive dont worry "
I tolerate the pregnancy  quite well all together . I have gained about 12 kg already but I dont worry to much about it , I eat what I feel like eating but try to keep a healthy diet overall even if I find it hard to avoid sweet things totally ;)
I try to exercise by  walking almost daily and recently while being away on a mini holiday at a hotel with a spa and pool I discovered how wonderful swimming is !
It really takes away your extra weight and you feel " normal " while moving in the water : )
I am also doing pregnancy yoga which I find fantastic and very helpful for stretching out sore back muscles  and relaxing .I have a little lower back pain but  with the right shoes I am able to walk long walks even if I cant go for a half day shopping trip in town as I used to sometimes before .Now I get tired after a while and have to sit down and have something to drink and rest my legs ; )

We havent prepared the babys room yet but I am getting ready for it mentally by thinking about what color  I would like for the room and how to decorate it .
Soon I will also need to get clothes for the babys first weeks but I am not really ready to take that step yet.

I am on holiday this week too but then I am going back to work again .
From 19 th of September I plan to reduce my hours and work 3 days a week and I plan to stop working  in the middle of October which will give me one month " off " before the baby will be born as the EDD is on the 19 th of November .

I look forward to my " new life "  but its also a little scary as it brings so much change ....I dont know how it will be like not to work ...will I feel lonely when most people I know will be working ?

This week my sister is visiting so I am quite busy again and in August we are going to 2 weddings and I am looking for a suitable dress for  me so I need to do more shopping .

I wish you all a wonderful summer - love  Angie


  1. It's great to hear from you! I'm loving the great update on your pregnancy!! Before you know it, your rainbow will be here!


  2. Sweetest Angie,

    I love reading this post, as it is so wonderful that you can feel the babys movements. Like you, I was very guarded with my pregnancy and didn't really start enjoying it until around the 26-28 week mark. Up until that point I didn't want to get invested heavily for fear that something would go wrong....its just a part of what we have been through with loss.

    I can also remember going out with friends and doing really well for about 5 hours and then I would find it terribly hard to push on. So, I would just stop and rest :) As for weight gain, you are doing very well. I calculated my weight gain and I gained 17 lbs. Now, I have to loose that weight and its not fun, but I'll persevere until its gone!

    As far as work goes, I'm so happy you are reducing your schedule to 3 days per week. You can use the other 4 days to relax and prepare for baby :) I think of you so often and send you love and well wishes. Rub your belly for me and say "hello" to the precious growing one. I can't wait for you to experience your miracle :)

    Big HUGS from across the pond


  3. I'm just so happy for you!!! I am proud of you for making positive steps to enjoy this baby starting now!!! I loved the pregnancy yoga too, and then swimming as well as water aerobics! And your time off, the time will pass so quickly that you won't even realize it's gone and you'll be wondering where the time went!!! I had about a month off before Cala and it was over before I knew it! I can't wait for your little miracle to arrive!!!

    Lots of love and continued prayers!

  4. So very happy for you sweet Angie! I continue to pray for you and your sweet baby!