I have felt fear for going through the IVF proces.
I hate the uncertainty about it : you go through so much with all the injections that has to be done and the egg retrieval and then you dont even know if it will work...
I have felt so sad that it doesnt work the " normal " way for us .
I have been so stressed and I slept bad and felt how my pulse rate have been increased during the day bacause of the stress.
I have also dealt with my referral for a hysterosonogram as there have been so many problems with it : my gynecologist forgot to write the referral first and I discovered that a few weeks later when I noticed that the appointment never came . I then called her office up and reminded her and waited another few weeks without getting an appointment just to discover she had " forgot " it again and when she finally sent it off four months had passed !!! Then I still didnt get an appointment so I had to call up the ultrasound clinic just to discover that the referal was put to a mailbox to a doctor that is on a holiday so they STILL hadnt schedualed me in for the sonogram !!! At that stage I was going mad as I then had to call my gynecologist office and ask them to fax the referral to another clinic that have a doctor that is not on holiday and now Im still waiting for my hysterosonogram and still havent got an appointment .I will never go back to this gynecologist again.'
Its like she thinks that now when you have got an referral to the IVF clinic you dont need any other tests ...very ignorant .
I have made efforts to try to relax as I know stresshormones are not good for me and will mess up my system and ability to conceive but it doesnt really work so much.
I have had acupressure and then acupuncture ( I changed acupuncturist to someone that I think is better and more experienced )
In all this mess I have also had my brother visiting us and as I love my brother so much I was happy he came but I couldnt enjoy his visit to 100 % because of my inner stress.
Yesterday I had a day out with two dear friends and we had a really nice day going to an art exhibition and then going for dinner to a restaurant in the evening still I couldnt totally relax and enjoy it .
One of my friends is pregnant and the other is the girl that was due just a few weeks before me .I love them both and we had fun and I enjoyed the day but its like there is a cloud above me that doesnt let me relax totally and have fun but makes me feel uncomfortable now and then and I wish it wasnt like that .
I think Im not ready for IVF yet and I need to wait until after the summer but yet it makes me uncertain if I do the right thing .Maybe I should´nt wait but just go ahead with it but at the same time I dont feel ready.
In one way I wish I had postponed going to the IVF clinic as it made me so upset to go there .
oh sweetheart i'm so sorry that you are feeling so stressed. its an awful state to be in, and not being able to sleep as well wouldn't be helping. i think whatever you are feeling is right for you, this next step you take is a big one and yes, perhaps a long one too. it seems that you are soul searching before you go and do it which certainly isn't a bad thing. i, however jumped head first into it without giving it too much thought, but thats me, i'm impulsive at times and deal with things as they happen. al i know is that it does help to be calm and assured by the time you start this journey doing things like acupuncture and exercise certainly help. i'm glad you changed gynecologists she sounds like a lazy idiot!. and spending time with your brother and friends although you had a lot on your mind is still a great thing to do. remember you can't go wrong with this decision, you can only do what is right for you at the time. sending loads of love, anne xxx
ReplyDeleteMy Dearest Friend,
ReplyDeleteI can realate to so much of what you have said. The frusteration of getting an appointment for a somewhat simple procedure and feeling lost in the shuffle of a Dr. not following through with a referral. Very frusterating when you only want to feel as if you're doing something to move forward.
Also, I can relate to how you are feeling about IVF. The process does seem daunting and a bit overwhelming, but its one that you can go through, as you are strong and capable. However, you will have to approach starting treatment when you feel ready. As Anne said, you need a clear state of mind when you begin IVF. It's easy to feel as if you've reached the end of the road, but know that alternative treatments are just the beginning. I too worry about "what if it doesn't work" when I think of my own situation. And, as you know, I have no results yet so I don't know what I am facing. None of us realy knows what we are facing, but we just have to place our trust in God and walk forward.
Fear is an awful thing and fear of the unknown drives our moods. It's normal that you felt as if you couldn't fully engage your brother during his visit, as your mind was distracted. I spend much of my time distracted by all that I'm going through and its difficult. As for going out with your girl friends...that is hard too, as its a reminder of what you've lost.
If I can offer you anything, I will say "take your time" and do what you feel is right. Don't set deadlines for yourself. You and Dave talk things through and make decisions that you feel comfortable with. Also, lean on your therapist to give you guidance and coping mechanisms to help you move forward. And, you can talk to Nan and ask her anything you want to know about IVF, as she is here for you :) I am here for you too and you can ask me anything. If you want to talk we can even arrange that!
Know that I'm lifting you up in prayer and feel confident for your future. Hang in there, this is not an easy road and I struggle the same as you...BUT we keep walking in search of that dream :)
xoxo and have a good NEW week,
andrea
Angie,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you are stressed. I hope that you will begin to feel better soon. IVF is a big step, i think to do it you truly have to be ready so if you are feeling unsure or not ready at all i think it would be better for you to wait. I pray that God sends you peace and clarity soon. Know that i am thinking of you and praying for you. Hugs and Love
Sweet Angie, I'm sorry that the stress is overwhelming you, as it is me too! Ughh, how I wish I could run it away, or yoga it away, or sleep it away, but nothing makes it completely go away!
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for clarity and peace for you to know what to do next, as I think you need to feel comfortable about your next step to do it with confidence and resolve!! You can do anything that you need to to get to your ultimate earthly baby!! I'm currently wondering what steps I'm going to take next, and don't know just this moment!!
Sending you tons of hugs and love and so sorry that all of this stress took away from your brother's visit, that's so frustrating!!
So sorry to hear that you are under so much stress. I will keep you in my prayers. Sending you hugs and well wishes.
ReplyDeleteThe stress stinks...admittedly. It's seems like everything is always fraught with such drama and stress and it's all so heady and you just want to shrug it away. I have no ideas for how to get rid of it, as I am a TOTAL stress monster, so I will just continue praying for you that the stress and uncertainty are covered by the hope and joy in the optimism of a sweet little baby to love and raise.....good that you changed doctors--it's hard enough when you AREN'T stressed--you need to feel TOTALLY confident in those taking care of you!!!
ReplyDeletexoxoxo