I have felt fear for going through the IVF proces.
I hate the uncertainty about it : you go through so much with all the injections that has to be done and the egg retrieval and then you dont even know if it will work...
I have felt so sad that it doesnt work the " normal " way for us .
I have been so stressed and I slept bad and felt how my pulse rate have been increased during the day bacause of the stress.
I have also dealt with my referral for a hysterosonogram as there have been so many problems with it : my gynecologist forgot to write the referral first and I discovered that a few weeks later when I noticed that the appointment never came . I then called her office up and reminded her and waited another few weeks without getting an appointment just to discover she had " forgot " it again and when she finally sent it off four months had passed !!! Then I still didnt get an appointment so I had to call up the ultrasound clinic just to discover that the referal was put to a mailbox to a doctor that is on a holiday so they STILL hadnt schedualed me in for the sonogram !!! At that stage I was going mad as I then had to call my gynecologist office and ask them to fax the referral to another clinic that have a doctor that is not on holiday and now Im still waiting for my hysterosonogram and still havent got an appointment .I will never go back to this gynecologist again.'
Its like she thinks that now when you have got an referral to the IVF clinic you dont need any other tests ...very ignorant .
I have made efforts to try to relax as I know stresshormones are not good for me and will mess up my system and ability to conceive but it doesnt really work so much.
I have had acupressure and then acupuncture ( I changed acupuncturist to someone that I think is better and more experienced )
In all this mess I have also had my brother visiting us and as I love my brother so much I was happy he came but I couldnt enjoy his visit to 100 % because of my inner stress.
Yesterday I had a day out with two dear friends and we had a really nice day going to an art exhibition and then going for dinner to a restaurant in the evening still I couldnt totally relax and enjoy it .
One of my friends is pregnant and the other is the girl that was due just a few weeks before me .I love them both and we had fun and I enjoyed the day but its like there is a cloud above me that doesnt let me relax totally and have fun but makes me feel uncomfortable now and then and I wish it wasnt like that .
I think Im not ready for IVF yet and I need to wait until after the summer but yet it makes me uncertain if I do the right thing .Maybe I should´nt wait but just go ahead with it but at the same time I dont feel ready.
In one way I wish I had postponed going to the IVF clinic as it made me so upset to go there .