I dont even know if I want to post this post .
I know this blog is my outlet of all " forbidden " feelings like anger ,sadness ,depression ...
its all the feelings that I dont want to burden my near and dear ones with .
I WANT to cope well , I WANT to be balanced and do the right things but sometimes I just have enough of everything and thats when I write here ....
I hate that I feel guilty for having those feelings and often I try to hide them and " move on" and " be normal " but then eventually I explode like today when I got the second BFN this week
Im just so fed up !!! I hate this horrible pattern : AF - TTC on demand - nerve wrecking 2 WW and then the big dissapointment !!!!
Oh how I hate it !
I had so much hope for this cycle ....
I think Im giving up the idea of conceiving naturally now and move on to IUI but it doesnt come easy ....
I have always wanted to conceive a child in a romantic way .
I know so many people before me have done ART and its great that I have the opportunity to do IUI / IVF but yet its so hard for me to give up my dream.
In my mind I have decided that its time to move on and I will have to navigate a different path now .
Tonight Im having a glass of wine feeling sorry for myself , I hope tomorrow will be a better day .