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Thursday, February 10, 2011

another BFN

Hi ,

I dont even know if I want to post this post .
I know this blog is my outlet of all " forbidden " feelings  like anger ,sadness ,depression ...
its all the feelings that I dont want to burden my near and dear ones with .
I WANT to cope well , I WANT to be balanced and do the right things but sometimes I just have enough of everything and thats when I write here ....

I hate that I feel guilty for having those feelings and often I  try to hide them and " move on"  and " be normal "   but then eventually I explode  like today when I got the second BFN this week

Im just so fed up !!! I hate this horrible pattern :   AF   - TTC on demand - nerve wrecking 2 WW and then the big dissapointment !!!!
Oh how I hate it !

I had so much hope for this cycle ....

I think Im giving up the idea  of conceiving naturally now and move on to IUI  but it doesnt come easy ....
I have always wanted to conceive a child in a romantic way .
I know so many people before me have done  ART  and its great that I have the opportunity to do  IUI / IVF  but yet its so hard for me to give up my dream.

In my mind I have decided that its time to move on and I will have to navigate a different path now .
Tonight Im having a glass of wine feeling sorry for myself , I hope tomorrow will be a better day .



  1. Darn AF!!! I'm sorry hun ((((hugz)))


  2. Absolutely, tomorrow will be a new day :) Don't discount your feelings Angie, you have every reason to be angry, sad and every other emotion you feel. I felt them all as well, which makes my heart hurt for you.

    As for your dream of romantic conception, you CAN still have that. Just because you do IUI or IVF doesn't mean your child was not created out of romance. Trust me, I believe our IUI way to baby made us even more close and we cherish every ounce of little bunny. And, you can still be romantic with IUI ;) You just have to get a little more creative, but it can be done.

    I know this is so difficult and want you to know that we are all her for you and cheering you on to the great success that is SOON to come :)

    Much Love

  3. Angie,
    I just wanted to send you some love. I am so sorry that you are hurting and wish i had the magic answer for us all, but it seems that life has a different plan for us I guess. But just know that i am here to hold on too during these twists and turns. I pray that we will have our happy soon. Lots of Love to you friend.

  4. Oh how I feel your pain, and while you can have romance, our conception did not include any of it. It was full of stress, and questions, and shots and pain. With that said, I would do it a million times over again in the blink of an eye to have this baby! It's a heart-breaking thing to face and you shouldn't feel bad for being sad, mad, upset, or any other feeling you're feeling! I promise I've felt them too and am right here to support you and hear you out through it! I continue to pray for your success with having a baby and with peace for whatever way that means! I hope you drink another glass of wine for me while you're at it!! Indulge in the things you wouldn't now because I BELIEVE your time (and Shandrea's) are coming before you actually realize it! Funny that with as planned and meticulous as our IVF was, there are still moments that I feel completely caught off guard by it being successful!

    Love you so very much and tying that rope for you too!!

  5. I think sometimes that bad days come to knock us down so the great days will feel incredible. I am sending you lots of love and prayers. I hope many good days are ahead. Just take your time and feel what you need to feel and make the decisions that are best for you.

  6. So sorry to hear of this dear. Hope you enjoyed that wine- I love having a glass or two (or three!) when AF comes.

    Praying you receive your miracle soon. Pray about it. It just sux that we can't all concieve naturally and romantically. I am right there with you. I have tried 4 years naturally, and just done one failed month of clomid, nothing more extensive though.

  7. Just wanted to send you some love...let you know I was thinking about you and saying prayers for you!