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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Thank you + first visit to RE tomorrow

Again I want to thank you all wonderful ladies for caring to stop by and leave words of encouragement for me .
It means the world to me to read what you say, I know I would just be depressed and in a big mess without you .Your words makes me keep going and letting some hope in .
This blog has become a place where I come for comfort and for writing my thoughts as they are .
For the moment I live a " double life " as my husband wants to wait to talk to other people about this ( he didnt even talk to his family)
He wants to wait at least until we have been to the RE.
Outside I have to act as if this is not happening but inside Im in shock and want to talk about this .
Its comforting to " meet " people that understand ,its soothing for my soul to see those wondeful woman that have gone through IVF or are in the proces if it now ....makes it less scary for me .
It makes my heart lighter to get words of encouragement and prayers also from you that havent been through it but cares to stop by and give words of hope .
Its so special to know that there is so many beautiful people in this world that care .
It makes me keep my faith even if I often burst out in anger because of the burden I have to carry ( why me ? but then I have to think : why anyone ? why does people have to suffer? yes....thats the eternal question ...)
Tomorrow is the day we are going to see the RE , hubby and me are both tensed and have already argued ( it started with a trivial thing )
I have no energy to even cry but I think this argument is not deadly serious , I think we will get over it and go there tomorrow anyway.
I hope so much the RE will say that life style changes can improve the SCSA DFI levels so we can try the " natural" way but today I feel less negative towards IVF - If we have to I will do it .


  1. I am sorry you are having to keep this "secret" but I am also glad you have your blog to help relieve some of that! Good luck tomorrow and I hope for good results!!!

  2. Wishing you the best tomorrow honey! Hope the spat with hubby is not a huge deal and that everything works out. Mike and I started at eachother this afternoon and then an hour later we look at eachother and start laughing like "what were we fighting about again?"!! I think we have those once a week. Anyhow, I can't wait to hear how your appt goes and am praying you hear good news. I am so happy to hear that you are open to IVF 'if need be'...keeping an open mind is one of the best things you can do. Keep us posted. Love and light to you xxx Nan

  3. Sometimes I think the wonderful women here in our lovely blogspere are better listeners anyway b/c you know when they sit down to read, they are really interested and have the time to devote without interruptions etc. I wish you the best at your appointment and look forward to hearing about it. Hugs!!!

  4. Dearest Friend,

    I only wish I could take your burden from you, but since I can not, I will shoulder it with you. We will continue to walk this broken road together until we find solid ground.

    As for Dave not wanting to share things with others, he is trying to come to grips with the fact that he has a fertility problem. Men have a hard time dealing with this. Just as women feel guilty for not being able to fall pregnant and give their spouse a child, men feel the same way. In the book Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus, the author says that when times get tough men head to their cave. They don't want to talk, they just need to dwell a while in their cave. Dave is dwelling in his cave and will eventually emerge, but give him this opportunity to grieve what he is facing as a man.

    Also, I have not divulged to anyone that Nich and I are facing fertility treatment, as the more info you give people the more invasive they become in your life. They begin asking personal questions and put you in a place to feel obligated to respond. Or, at least that is my take.

    Whatever you do, don't let this drive a wedge between you and your hubby, as this is a time when you need eachother most. Be sad together and be anxious "together". Yes, it can create tension, but try to diffuse the uncertainty with love and admiration of eachother and focus on what is most important "eachother" :) Okay, so that is my psychology bit. Now, know that I send you love and prayers and that all will be well. Lean on "us" with your anxiety, uncertainty and worry. Let us worry with you and calm your fears, as that is what friends do! They show love and compassion to those they genuinely care about. We love you sweet friend and know that we are with you in spirit tomorrow.

    I hope you walk away from the appointment with optimism, knowledge and a future plan, as that is most important. A decision will come in time and you can evaluate the options. The best thing is that we have options :) I am afraid of what I face too, so don't feel alone.

    Above all else, know that I care about you and want you to be well and good to yourself :) I'm cheering you on, as you can do this! Take some more time to grieve the news, as I can say that it took me about 1 month to come to terms with my "number". However, through God and FAITH and eternal HOPE I am in a better place with it all today.

    Much Love and my ear is always open,