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Friday, April 23, 2010

prayers needed

Im numb and confused as I write this.
I dont know what to say ...words doesnt come to me ...
We got bad news a few days ago.
There is a male faktor , as hubby has too high DNA fragmentation on semen analysis.
The lab recomends IVF /ICSI.
IVF / ICSI .....
From thinking that we are able to conceive spontanously and that future conception is only a question of time we have to face something totally different.....
I feel dead inside .....I dont need anymore obstacles ....
I managed to sign us up for an evaluation with the reproductive specialist on the 28 th of April just to talk to a doctor eye to eye and see if IVF /ICSI is really the only option .
The info online about high DNA fragmentation is so confusing as you get different scientific articles stating different things.
I feel like a zoombie .....I didnt expect this ...

Please send us a prayer as we need it badly right now .
We need to get ourselves together and readjust to this ( How ? )
I dont know if I have the energy to go through IVF ? The shots seem so scary ....and if it doesnt work? How can I handle the dissapointment?
Oh ,I feel so confused , I cant think clearly .My logic ability is gone ....
our first step is to put hubby on detox drinks , no coffee and more healthy food .....what a life ....

Please pray for us .


  1. Sweet friend,
    I am leaving shortly for a birthday, but wanted to tell you that that is exactly what I went through (IVF with ICSI), and that if you have to go thru it, that you CAN do it! If I can do it 3 times, you can do it!!! You are such a strong and confident person, believe in yourself as we all believe in you. This initial shock eventually should turn into the drive to get it done, and to be hopeful and try it once. I will write you more later - but please please please email me with any questions ok!!!! Its going to be ok, take a deep breath and discuss with hubby and know we are all here for you and to rally you on like everyone did for me :) Im still sorry you have to go thru all of this, as it is not easy, but you do it, you do it to get that baby on earth. OK, I love you, be good to you xxxooo hubby did not diet and all that stuff, they pick out the best ones anyhow! Mike would certainly email with Dave if Dave needs anything....ok?

  2. Sending you hugs right now. You will be in my prayers. But whatever has to be done i believe you can do it. I believe though this is a hard road, God is with you. Not only that you have our support. Sending you love sweet friend.

  3. Sweet Angel On Earth,

    Friend, you are not alone in this process. The words IVF seem daunting, but in reality it opens a door to those of us "waiting" that was once not an option. The beauty amongst chaos and fear is that we have OPTIONS. I feel your fear and uncertainty, as I have been living the same way. It hurts and it is so scary. The more we read the more afraid we become and slowly we wear outselves out.

    However, on a positive note, take the fact that you were able to conceive naturaly as a "good thing". Your body is in great shape for this! As Nan said, when you do IVF the professionals "select" the best sperm to do the ICSI with, which is such a bonus!

    I'm right here with you sweet friend, as I don't know what I am going to face either. I continue to tell myself that all is going to be well and I believe all will be well for you and Dave too :) Take some time to absorb the shock, as I was in great shock when I received my bad number. But, you rallied me along and sent me lots of positive reassurance and I promise to send you the same. It takes a while to get your head around the news, but you are strong and you can do this.

    From this point forward consider me your personal cheerleader across the seas! I'm cheering you on to April 28th and look forward to your journey to success.

    In the meantime, I will be keeping you in my prayers.

    Sending you MUCH LOVE and SUPPORT...

    We're going to do this!

  4. PS

    I Love you friend....

    And, I will be lifting you up in prayer.

  5. I agree with all the others. You can do this. At first it is overwhelming, but soon as you get going you will be a pro. Giving yourelf the first shot will be hard, but by then end you won't even hesitate. I have been through 7 IVFs with ICSI and honestly I could probably give myself shots while sleeping. There is a wealth of knowledge on I also can answer any questions you might have. Taking flaxseed oil pills and wheat grass shots (the both of you) can also help with circulation, lining, etc. Best of luck hun!

    Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

    There are women that become mothers without effort,

    without thought, without patience or loss and though

    they are good mothers and love their children, I know

    that I will be better.

    I will be not be better because of genetics, or money or that

    I have read more books but because I have struggled and

    toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I

    have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over

    and over again.

    Like most things in life, the people who truly have

    appreciation are those who have struggled to attain

    their dreams. I will notice EVERYTHING about my child.

    I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and

    discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the

    rest of my life.

    I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night

    to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort,

    hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take

    another temperature, pop another pill, take another

    shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be

    crying for me.

    I count myself blessed in this sense; that God has

    given me this insight, this special vision with which

    I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

    Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a

    child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

    I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

    I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter,

    neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

    I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my

    own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many

    never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

    I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

    So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from

    their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see

    it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

    I listen.

    And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it

    less lonely. I have learned the immense power of

    another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that

    moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and

    when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion

    that only comes with walking in those shoes.

    I have learned to appreciate life.

    Yes I will be a wonderful mother.
    -author unknown

  6. Praying for your comfort and peace. I know sometimes it is so very, very difficult when facing the unknown but just remember we are never alone. Lots of love and prayers for you on this journey. xxx

  7. Sending you my prayers and hope you can find peace in knowing that you are not alone and that there is still hope. Best of luck to you and your journey.

  8. Hi There, here from Andrea's blog!! Just wanted to stop by and let you know you're in my thoughts. We conceived naturally a year ago, only to miscarry and not get pregnant again. We just finished our first IVF cycle, actually beta is tomorrow (yikes). So I've been in your shoes, and now how scary it is to hear the RE reccomend IVF, and the pressures that go along with that. All I can tell you, is the process itself was not nearly as bad as I expected. I mean there are cons of course (money, time, shots) BUT the success rates are so good, and they're watching you so closely throughout the whole process you just feel very taken care of. The worst part of course is the tww wondering if it worked or not. Sending you love and hugs, and if you ever have any questions about IVF/ICSI feel free to drop a line!!!

  9. hi angie i am here from nans blog, i too am going through ivf and icsi after the loss of my son. i failed the first cycle and am now using some of the five embryos i have that were frozen from the first cycle. i tell myself that we are very fortunate to be living in the world today and have the option of ivf to help us conceive and carry our own children. reproductive technology is so advanced and always has money going into research. i know it is hard to accept our own misgivings, however in the end you will be looking into the eyes of your own little baby, and that is what we are all here for. there are many people, including me who are sharing your journey and are happy to support you along the way. big hugs from australia and much love, anne xxx